Called

Recently I was given a personal challenge to pray a prayer of purpose. I've heard it said that you must be careful when really asking something of God. My prayers of "Where would you have me? How would you have me live in the now?" ended with direction I never expected.

When we ask God to show us purpose we probably expect something with flash or passion, something significant. There must be some great meaning or ministry, etc in plan for our lives. Answers to these kinds of prayers should be definitive; an explanation of where we are going. Or, so it would seem. The answer to my prayers was consistently -- suffer.

Suffering is not something we usually seek. In our humanity the last thing on earth we want to experience is suffering. Discomfort is unpleasant! In fact, at the threats of hell fire and brimstone some have become Christians to avoid suffering. But to truly follow Christ, suffering is unavoidable.

The call to suffer seems strange at first. After listening to it and staring into its face, I have come to see suffering as the call of the Christian. In Matthew 10:22 Jesus told his disciples that they would be hated because of Him. Some, though, may never experience much opposition here. While this is an important point for a Christian to contemplate, the call to suffer goes much deeper.

"Then Jesus said unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24 (KJV) The cross, the ultimate symbol of suffering is Christ's call.

Deeper still, the call to suffer is not mere pain or even the act of sacrifice. Paul warns that it is possible to even give your life away and yet have it be of no profit. (Corinthians. 13:3) The only way to avoid this is to do the hardest thing in all the world, to completely give up oneself to suffer. The daily inward surrender of ourselves is the suffering to which we are called.

In Hannah Hurnard's allegory Hinds Feet On High Places, the character Much Afraid is given two companions. Sorrow and Suffering, as her companions, to help her reach the High Places. Without these two, poor Much Afraid could not have accomplished her destination.

After Nathan the prophet condemned him, David lamented his state, "Behold, I was sharpened in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me." Psalms 51:5 (KJV). By very nature he was sinful. All humanity has the same nature. More than just mere inclination and tendency, self living is entwined within us.

While our hearts are so inherently self-centered and evil we are told, "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5 (KJV). Christ is love and selflessness. Just to acknowledge our nature can be difficult! Giving up our self will is painful. "...mortify the deeds of the body..." Paul tells us (Romans 8:13 KJV). As a natural human, I really don't want to mortify anything connected to me! Yet that is exactly what we need.

A few days back I was praying for wisdom to respond to an irritating situation. Nothing I tried seemed to work. I knew I was not in the wrong, so I used "righteous indignation" as an excuse to defend myself. Quietly God brought to my mind the picture of a silent Christ. He stood before His accusers, listened to outrageous accusations, and received torture in silence. He did not seek to vindicate Himself. He always let go of Himself. Yet these moments of silence are some of his most glorious.

Christ's life, free from self, is our example. For us to surrender to selfless living is to suffer. Any small surrender of one's will is difficult. If we then are not daily surrendering, and therefore suffering, we are missing the Christian calling. If we find that we are not suffering then perhaps we should examine our lives to see if we are truly surrendering to love.

Maybe if we would stop to listen we would all hear Christ whisper to our hearts
-- suffer.

10-14-04

I recently came across a series of quick writes I did in 2004. The are a little bit ruff, but I thought one of them was worth publishing. So hear it is, unedited, in it's original form. Faith (10-14-04)

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Most of the time it's hard to just trust God without any evidence of what has been promised. It's easy to loose sight of the ultimate goal. Our small finite minds barely see past our noses. Through the glasses of faith we must grasp what is there just beyond our own sight. I often wonder, "God, what are you doing with me!" I like to have things figured out, I like goals and plans. But God simply calls me to take steps in faith. He has promised to supply all my needs. God does not call the equipped, He equips the called; or so they say. Yet I often stop to wonder, "How Lord?!"Things aren't lined up as I envisioned. You can plan and strategies, and have all the common sense in the world, yet in the end your ideas are never what really is. All logic may be employed to your cause; still nothing remains with in your control. So you must let go and let God. "I trust God; yet help that which I don't trust!" Moment by moment you must lay aside personal ambitions and ideas to grasp with the hand of faith. Our faith, that often so whithered and weakened hand, is strengthened only by exercise. "But how long Lord" I question. "Just wait." comes the patient answer. ... "Why not now? Why must I wait?" "I know best, wait" He answers. Oh the agony of faith!

Faith may very well be one of the most agonizing exercises of the Christian walk. It is as if you are standing on a precipice, blindfolded, and you are told to step forward onto the bridge. To your knowledge there is no bridge. Your senses tell you there is nothing before you. Still you must take the step.

"Take an unseen hand? What Lord?" We question His infinite wisdom. Trust in that which is not? No, it's there, we are assured, yet you cannot see it. Keep walking? But it maybe a long time? "Yes, it may. Trust me." He whispers. Hold on, don't give up! The time will come when we shall see the fruits of our faith. He has said it and so it shall be.

Bitter Sweet Satisfaction

(Job Satisfaction-Part 2)

From the full mustache and the deep voice, it was obvious that puberty had long since past him. Still the boyish tangle of hair and his melancholy eyes spoke more of the years he'd fallen through the cracks. His folder told me that his school career is almost through; the system that somehow failed him is about to launch him into adult life.

He bent over the notebook paper, his brow creased with effort. "Spell want." I told him, and watched the large squiggly letters form. W-O-T. He relaxed waiting for the next word, while my heart broke. If he couldn't spell want I knew he couldn't spell caught.

As he sat before me I wondered who it was that first noticed he wasn't getting things. Had they just passed him by? How many failed papers or years of struggle had it taken for someone to reach out to this one? I felt angry! Here he was; there wasn't much time for him now. He had years of ground to cover and so little time.

Glancing over his profile I noted that he was "too old" for his grade. "Why hasn't anybody done something!" I wondered. Clearly he'd never even been given a second chance at a grade. The No Child Left Behind Act had been in effect when he was still in elementary school. "A lot of good it did him!" I send a silent angry vibe out to all the politicians. People trying to "make education better" who have never met kids like him, never had to sweat over a child. Here was one that all the politics hadn't done a thing for! They spout the catch phrases and wax eloquent over philosophy while hard working kids still don't make it.

Later, as we poured over a lists of sight words I again wondered how he's made it all these years. "Pro-pro-pro..." he sighed from exhaustion. "You've got that part, look at the rest." I encouraged him. "C-c-c," "Remember that c says /s/ here." "Cess.. pro, cess - process?" "Good!" As I looked forward over the list I could see numerous problems ahead: silent e's, long and sort vowels, digraphs. All cracks that he had fallen through.

Somewhere in the midst of counting all the rifts in his education I realized that I was happy. "This," I thought to myself, "is why I went to school!" So, for the first time, in a long time, I'm happy to wake up in the morning and head off to work. My student helped me realize how truly satisfying a job can be.

Rumors Aren't All Bad

Rumors have taken nations to war, destroyed relationships, brought down great men, taken lives, and inspired fanaticism. Leviticus 19:16 commands: "Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of they neighbour: I am the Lord." (KJV) While Proverbs 20:19 warns: "He that goeth about as a tale-bearer revealeth secrets; Therefore company not with him that openeth wide his lips." (ASV) Clearly, being the bearer of gossip is a dangerous and harmful position.

In life, however, sometimes very bad things can produce positive results. Has a rumor ever driven you to action? Perhaps one you should have taken; but that you wouldn't have on your own. Has gossip ever caused you to stop and examine your own ways? Or has it ever made your realize how good your life really is?

I recently came across a very inspiring rumor. The source of this tale has been the source of many such stories in the past. For some these fabrications have been damaging and perhaps quite terrorizing. Yet, for me, the rumor was needful.

Let me clarify, I didn't fall for this untruth. By the time this particular story reached me it was accompanied by a thorough explanation as to why it wasn't true and the detailed steps that had been taken to disprove it. Still the content of the rumor made an important impression on me.

I suppose this just goes to show that God really can use anything.

What are you trading for those mistakes?

Mistakes. Everyone makes them. So why do they so often haunt us as if we are the only ones to have ever failed? It may have happened a few days ago or even years ago but the heat still rises to your face every time you think of it. Maybe your angry at yourself for being so silly, or maybe just ashamed.

"Live life, we all stumble, it's ok."

The fact is that we can live past mistakes and grow through them, but the residue may always be there. Every event or happening in your life shapes who you are. Each choice, step, or misstep effects your future. You can never get back those moments of foolishness or careless pride.

On my mother's fridge is a quote: "Whatever you do today, remember that you are trading one day or your life for it." This question always haunts me. Each day I live I'm giving up; never to be able to go back and live it better.

So often, before we falter over the edge of that little mistake, we have a chance to choose another path. What might happen if we could but pause a little in the rush of our mad lives and lives a little more purposefully. Maybe we'd have fewer of those shameful remembrances. Maybe everyday we trade would be worth it.

Job Satisfaction

Friday I left my 5th and 6th grade classroom for the last time. Though I've been dissatisfied with my career for quite some time I wasn't prepared for my lack of emotion. I kept waiting to cry, to feel great sorrow wash over me, but it didn't. I walked away and felt nothing.

My father always tells me, "You're good at it and it makes money, you've just got to stick with it. You don't have to like your career." My mother never says much, but her looks and sighs imply everything. It makes me wonder if the need for job satisfaction is a generational thing.

Lets face it, in generations past job satisfaction wasn't a priority. You needed to take care of yourself and your family; you did what made you money. Maybe they didn't have enough time to allow themselves to need to be happy with their jobs. Whatever the case, it was usually about making a living, not about being satisfied.

When I talk to teachers who are about to retire, or look at old texts, I realize that teaching today is a whole different world. Teachers today, more than ever, are over worked, over stressed, pushed, pulled, prodded, and underpaid! The work they require out of teachers is astronomical! Have jobs changed so much that we have created the need for job satisfaction?

Our modern society has twisted and turned. We aren't anything like ten-fifteen-twenty year ago. Business runs differently. Machines and modern thinking have changes the way everything is done. We have created completely different ways of accomplishing tasks. A job isn't just a job anymore; it's your life style. Jobs are no longer just about supporting your family, they have become and extension of who you are as a person.

Maybe job satisfaction isn't just about generations, it's a whole new world; a society we create for ourselves.

Closest Weekness

I began rereading Hinds' Feet On High Places today. The struggles of Much-Afraid to resist her ancestral weaknesses struck me stronger than before. When told by the Shepard that she should never even allow her relatives to tempt and torcher her she exclaims:

"I know, oh I know, ... but whenever I meet any of my relatives I seem to lose all my strength and simply connot resist them, no matter how I strive."

Her cry seemed to be the cry of a thousand hearts. How often do I fall prey to the weaknesses that lie nearest to me? The ones that I am so familiar with, the ones I should have long ago over come! Yet the familiarity is exactly what ties my hands, making me sink to my knees feeling helpless. Shaking in fear I often find myself unable to resist. It is that things closest to us that can render us completely powerless.