Mistakes. Everyone makes them. So why do they so often haunt us as if we are the only ones to have ever failed? It may have happened a few days ago or even years ago but the heat still rises to your face every time you think of it. Maybe your angry at yourself for being so silly, or maybe just ashamed.
"Live life, we all stumble, it's ok."
The fact is that we can live past mistakes and grow through them, but the residue may always be there. Every event or happening in your life shapes who you are. Each choice, step, or misstep effects your future. You can never get back those moments of foolishness or careless pride.
On my mother's fridge is a quote: "Whatever you do today, remember that you are trading one day or your life for it." This question always haunts me. Each day I live I'm giving up; never to be able to go back and live it better.
So often, before we falter over the edge of that little mistake, we have a chance to choose another path. What might happen if we could but pause a little in the rush of our mad lives and lives a little more purposefully. Maybe we'd have fewer of those shameful remembrances. Maybe everyday we trade would be worth it.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Job Satisfaction
Friday I left my 5th and 6th grade classroom for the last time. Though I've been dissatisfied with my career for quite some time I wasn't prepared for my lack of emotion. I kept waiting to cry, to feel great sorrow wash over me, but it didn't. I walked away and felt nothing.
My father always tells me, "You're good at it and it makes money, you've just got to stick with it. You don't have to like your career." My mother never says much, but her looks and sighs imply everything. It makes me wonder if the need for job satisfaction is a generational thing.
Lets face it, in generations past job satisfaction wasn't a priority. You needed to take care of yourself and your family; you did what made you money. Maybe they didn't have enough time to allow themselves to need to be happy with their jobs. Whatever the case, it was usually about making a living, not about being satisfied.
When I talk to teachers who are about to retire, or look at old texts, I realize that teaching today is a whole different world. Teachers today, more than ever, are over worked, over stressed, pushed, pulled, prodded, and underpaid! The work they require out of teachers is astronomical! Have jobs changed so much that we have created the need for job satisfaction?
Our modern society has twisted and turned. We aren't anything like ten-fifteen-twenty year ago. Business runs differently. Machines and modern thinking have changes the way everything is done. We have created completely different ways of accomplishing tasks. A job isn't just a job anymore; it's your life style. Jobs are no longer just about supporting your family, they have become and extension of who you are as a person.
Maybe job satisfaction isn't just about generations, it's a whole new world; a society we create for ourselves.
My father always tells me, "You're good at it and it makes money, you've just got to stick with it. You don't have to like your career." My mother never says much, but her looks and sighs imply everything. It makes me wonder if the need for job satisfaction is a generational thing.
Lets face it, in generations past job satisfaction wasn't a priority. You needed to take care of yourself and your family; you did what made you money. Maybe they didn't have enough time to allow themselves to need to be happy with their jobs. Whatever the case, it was usually about making a living, not about being satisfied.
When I talk to teachers who are about to retire, or look at old texts, I realize that teaching today is a whole different world. Teachers today, more than ever, are over worked, over stressed, pushed, pulled, prodded, and underpaid! The work they require out of teachers is astronomical! Have jobs changed so much that we have created the need for job satisfaction?
Our modern society has twisted and turned. We aren't anything like ten-fifteen-twenty year ago. Business runs differently. Machines and modern thinking have changes the way everything is done. We have created completely different ways of accomplishing tasks. A job isn't just a job anymore; it's your life style. Jobs are no longer just about supporting your family, they have become and extension of who you are as a person.
Maybe job satisfaction isn't just about generations, it's a whole new world; a society we create for ourselves.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Closest Weekness
I began rereading Hinds' Feet On High Places today. The struggles of Much-Afraid to resist her ancestral weaknesses struck me stronger than before. When told by the Shepard that she should never even allow her relatives to tempt and torcher her she exclaims:
"I know, oh I know, ... but whenever I meet any of my relatives I seem to lose all my strength and simply connot resist them, no matter how I strive."
Her cry seemed to be the cry of a thousand hearts. How often do I fall prey to the weaknesses that lie nearest to me? The ones that I am so familiar with, the ones I should have long ago over come! Yet the familiarity is exactly what ties my hands, making me sink to my knees feeling helpless. Shaking in fear I often find myself unable to resist. It is that things closest to us that can render us completely powerless.
"I know, oh I know, ... but whenever I meet any of my relatives I seem to lose all my strength and simply connot resist them, no matter how I strive."
Her cry seemed to be the cry of a thousand hearts. How often do I fall prey to the weaknesses that lie nearest to me? The ones that I am so familiar with, the ones I should have long ago over come! Yet the familiarity is exactly what ties my hands, making me sink to my knees feeling helpless. Shaking in fear I often find myself unable to resist. It is that things closest to us that can render us completely powerless.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
April 26, 2005
I can hardly believe it's been a year since the Thatcher Hall dorm fire. I can't believe it's been a whole year since Kelly died! But here it is April 2006.
I went to the garden dedication last night. It was really beautiful. All the flowers and the plaque in her honor. I know she never would have guess how much she would mean to so many people. Her death symbolizes so much to the students and community members who experienced that day.
I really find it strange that the sadness I feel now is deeper than last April. Some how her death makes less since to day than it did then. It leaves me asking the questions all over again. Why her? Why then? How? Questions that are not really meant to seek answers, just to be asked.
I went to the garden dedication last night. It was really beautiful. All the flowers and the plaque in her honor. I know she never would have guess how much she would mean to so many people. Her death symbolizes so much to the students and community members who experienced that day.
I really find it strange that the sadness I feel now is deeper than last April. Some how her death makes less since to day than it did then. It leaves me asking the questions all over again. Why her? Why then? How? Questions that are not really meant to seek answers, just to be asked.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Thoughts From Work
I wrote this a few months ago and just found the paper in my purse, so I thought I would share it with all of you.
***********************************************
I arrived about ten minutes late, as usual. No matter how I time my leave I always arrive ten minutes late. Somehow, either the stop lights or my wavering resolve to face three young Koreans always causes me to be late.
Today I arrived to find only two, very stubborn fifth grade boys to greet me. At first the reduced number appeared advantageous. Yet the most commonly made mistake is to under estimate the effect of a female presence. Yes, dear Jenny was gone.
It is hard to put into words the asset Jenny brings to my work. While on one hand our session was much quieter, on the other hand Stephen has an attitude and Peter gave me a much harder time about organizing his homework. As I sat across the table from my two tutees I wondered who was really in control here. Or is it simply a powerful example. Though she talks quite a lot during study time, Jenny wields power over her two companions
I suppose no teacher can ever assume the influence of a peer. Any student will tell you that their friends understand fashion, influence, and what not much better than their teacher. (Who obviously came from another planet.) Yet inwardly, in the unseen workings of their brains, teachers have great power over their students lives. The real trouble is managing to understand that a student's outward displays do not always reflect the soul.
***********************************************
I arrived about ten minutes late, as usual. No matter how I time my leave I always arrive ten minutes late. Somehow, either the stop lights or my wavering resolve to face three young Koreans always causes me to be late.
Today I arrived to find only two, very stubborn fifth grade boys to greet me. At first the reduced number appeared advantageous. Yet the most commonly made mistake is to under estimate the effect of a female presence. Yes, dear Jenny was gone.
It is hard to put into words the asset Jenny brings to my work. While on one hand our session was much quieter, on the other hand Stephen has an attitude and Peter gave me a much harder time about organizing his homework. As I sat across the table from my two tutees I wondered who was really in control here. Or is it simply a powerful example. Though she talks quite a lot during study time, Jenny wields power over her two companions
I suppose no teacher can ever assume the influence of a peer. Any student will tell you that their friends understand fashion, influence, and what not much better than their teacher. (Who obviously came from another planet.) Yet inwardly, in the unseen workings of their brains, teachers have great power over their students lives. The real trouble is managing to understand that a student's outward displays do not always reflect the soul.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Life is Never Fair!!!
Last night I awoke to the sound of sirens, I never wake up when they drive by... but last night I did. I woke up and said a little prayer of thanks for my firefighting fiance and for safety. But since nothing ever really happens, I went back to sleep and didn't worry...but I should have been on my knees all night... someone died.
Every bone in my body cries out. IT'S NOT FAIR! She was young, pretty, sweet... was she ready?
All last year she lived next door to me. She giggled late into the night, had a northern accent we teased her about.... I just wonder, did I do enough?
Kelly, we're going to miss you...
What makes me so mad is that life will go on without you...
Every bone in my body cries out. IT'S NOT FAIR! She was young, pretty, sweet... was she ready?
All last year she lived next door to me. She giggled late into the night, had a northern accent we teased her about.... I just wonder, did I do enough?
Kelly, we're going to miss you...
What makes me so mad is that life will go on without you...
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