Graduation May 1, 2005

It's all over! *Sigh*

Life is Never Fair!!!

Last night I awoke to the sound of sirens, I never wake up when they drive by... but last night I did. I woke up and said a little prayer of thanks for my firefighting fiance and for safety. But since nothing ever really happens, I went back to sleep and didn't worry...but I should have been on my knees all night... someone died.

Every bone in my body cries out. IT'S NOT FAIR! She was young, pretty, sweet... was she ready?

All last year she lived next door to me. She giggled late into the night, had a northern accent we teased her about.... I just wonder, did I do enough?

Kelly, we're going to miss you...


What makes me so mad is that life will go on without you...

Faries just make me sick!

That little ivory obsessed pixie has been once more thrown into my face. "You really blew it!" my cooperating teacher said to me today, with one of those sickening smiles on her face. She has condemned me to the gallows for my sin of telling the truth. "Well..." I said back, with a similar smile pasted on my lips. I quelched the words that were attempting to jump out of my throat. "Must be nice to have been perfect your whole teaching career!" They tried so hard to be said I had to leave the room.

"That was the third parent who has come in... She told Mr. Fletcher." My frustration and dislike of my teacher only grows with each moment and word! "Ooooooo... I'm so scared!" I wanted to immaturely quip. The more she says the more disenchanted I become with tiny fair type figures that only serve to crawl under my skin like fleas.

I wish I could be allowed the grace to make my mistake and bow humbly for forgiveness. Though I never even dreamed before of the evils of admitting that fairy tale characters are not real, I now know it's full sting. I wonder what Mrs. Cooperating teacher is telling these so called "enraged parents"? Why doesn't she let me talk to the parents, apologize and explain exactly what happened.

I never realized how sinful being naive could be!

Is it really all about the candy?

I haven't yet made up my mind about Valentines Day. Do I like the day? Or do I despise it? As I watched the proposal at the banquet last night I had to wonder... How do they all manage it? Maybe it really is all about the the heart shaped candies that beg you to "BE MINE."

I like Valentines Day when I'm stuffing my student's bags with cards I made this morning and sticking stickers all over my sweater amid hugs and chocolate ice cream. But when two lovers walk down a lane gazing into one another's eyes.... and the only eyes I ever stare into are my own in the mirror while I fix my hair in the morning trying to decided if they are more brown or green today... That is when I wonder what it's really all about. I like Valentines Day when it's my mom is buying me tulips or my dad is giving me a giant stuffed gorilla... but at the heart of it, those demanding candies mock me.

What is up with those candies any way? Demanding little things: "MARRY ME" "KISS ME" "HUG ME" Who do they think they are any way?

"He is so big and we are so small." She said. "Is it like we fit in His hand?"

I had the most amazing experience tonight! It was better than canvassing ... better than lots of things I've done before. Tonight my students asked me about Jesus. But I don't just mean Jesus, they asked everything! They come from mostly Buddhist homes, so while they have heard of Christians, and from attending Adventist schools they've hear the name of Jesus but they know nothing! (Well they knew nothing.) I'm not sure how it started but soon I found myself answering question like: "How did God create the world?" "Why did God let the tsunami happen?" "How could Jesus love us so much?" "If God is going to take care of us and our sun, why do other stars die?" "How do you pray?" "When Jesus comes again what will happened to those that are left here?" All of the questions came as told them the story from the beginning. We started with the fall of Satan and went to the cross. Then we talked about Christ soon return. "We'll ask you more questions tomorrow!" They promised me as I left. How amazing is that!

Just trusting in God to help you isn't trust. You've got to trust Him no matter what, even when you don't understand.

"Sometimes beauty hurts."

Today I started to think about the phrase, "Sometimes beauty hurts." Course my mom always said that to me as she was pulling my hair into some new contortion. But ya know it's true about other stuff too. Some times the most beautiful things in life take self sacrifice and truely painful effort. And the most painful things also can create the most beautiful character traits as well. So hard things and painful experiences are not all bad. It's just hard to see the beauty sometimes.

Conversations

At a church gathering two men sat across from one another. "What a wonderful letter we received from you the other day!" said one to the other. Their wives, sitting beside them, nodded to each other. Yes, it was quite a lovely letter, they cooed. "Why just the other day," the man continued, "we received quiet a different letter from someone similar to you. Your letter, however, was so heart felt and real." The wives continued to nod; yes it was quite meaningful, they thought. So the four sat congratulated each other on their obvious superiority.

Nearby another man's voice rose as he spoke of the urgency of the end. "We see the signs all around us." he said. "Others will be fooled because they do not know the signs." Those around nodded in agreement. They felt better because they knew the truth.

All around the room people felt quite satisfied with their stirred hearts. They were, after all, very good people.

Yet one, unseen, stood in the corner and wept.